School festivals, part 4: Doushisha

This actually happened weeks ago but I was planning to put it together with whatever festival I went to next. But gakkousai season is now over, so Doushisha ended up being the last one I went to, which was fitting since it was also the best by far. Thanks to my Doujo visit I already knew the location and the dates of operation, so although I knew it would be mega-awkward I decided to venture forth on my own.

I moved amongst the crowd silently and anonymously, feeling like Altaiir, Ezio or Connor from Assassin's Creed, and looking equally conspicuous. I immediately notice the huge number of international students, relatively speaking; there's a little group of them standing together every hundred metres or so. There's so many of them they probably think I go here too. I think my own school has them beat in foreigners per capita, though. Anyway, perhaps owing to this almost everybody approaches me with the assumption that I speak at least some Japanese, which, as I think I've explained before, is a very effective sales pitch on me.

What really put Doushisha at the top of my list was that it had all kinds of stuff going on. Virtually every inch of space not being used as an avenue of transit was occupied by a stall or event.

Like whatever the hell was going on here.

The energy of festival fun filled the corners of the entire area. Everybody was excited to be there. Girls in their old school uniforms tittered about. A girl in hanbok gave me a slip of Japanese-language propaganda concerning North Korean zainichi being legally disallowed from studying their own heritage. A group of girls did a tap-dancing routine on a raised platform outdoors. And also, there were cute girls everywhere, moreso than at any other school festival, even the two joshidai I visited. I realise I just wrote four sentences that were all related to girls, but you know, you end up seeing what you're looking for.

But the best thing of all was the festival's unifying theme. There was a ton of different and varied stuff going on, but the most by far was music. Live performances all over the place! It lent not only a positive, energetic ambient soundscape that was absent at other festivals, but also lent a sense of cohesion to the entirety of the proceedings, holding them together like mortar: Live - food stalls - live - painting exhibition - live - food stalls - live - etc.

Even one inside! This one was modern-type songs played with classical instruments. A recruiter dragged me in.

Yeah, there were a lot of performers.

Side-show.

The main feature. It must be nice going to a university that has money. But in all seriousness, this show was awesome. Could have stayed there all night. A bunch of the crowd were from "FSS" (French Studying Society? Or would that be FES...) and I danced with some of them. Then they shook my hand. Unfortunately I eventually had to go, since I was due at a nomikai held by one of my teachers...and there's a story in there, but it'll have to wait until I've graduated.

I love festivals, and I now especially love school festivals. If I'm still here next year (working on it!!!!!) I'll be right back, maybe clean up all of Kyouto or even go beyond its four walls. How many do you think I can manage next year?!

Japanese Politics Primer, Part 3: Election Debrief

Part one.

Part two.

I realise most of you probably don't care about politics, never mind Japanese politics, so I'll wrap up this series as briefly as I can before returning to what I do best. I originally promised an overview of the various contenders for PM, but once it became clear Abe was going to win I thought it might be more interesting to examine how things stand after the fact. Even still, we're going to focus on the leaders, because that's the part of politics that I like best.

Abe Shinzou, Jimintou (LDP) – 294 seats

You have to give Abe some credit here for winning such a massive victory. You could chalk it up to voter apathy, or to the lack of competition, or to the current political climate or anything else you want to spin it towards, but a two-thirds majority is a job well done as far as I'm concerned. On the other hand, just about any criticism that could be levied at him has some degree of merit. He's vapid and bland, a career politician from a family of career politicians, he's got oddly shaped bones in his closet, and while he's no Ishihara or Asou he's not the most articulate or exciting speaker, either. What he does have going for him is experience, in particular his one-year PM stint in which he demonstrated his foreign policy prowess in the area of the North Korea kidnapping crisis. Well, actually Koizumi started that, but Abe finished it out, and now the Japanese public tends to view that at his big accomplishment. And if you're going to be defined by just one thing, you could do worse than “saved some people from being tortured to death.”

Noda Yoshihiko, Minshutou (DPJ) – 57 seats

This was a huge blow, funny enough pretty much a reversal of the last election, in which the Minshutou smashed the Jimintou. And like in the aftermath of that election, in which Asou took responsibility for the catastrophic loss and resigned, Noda has announced his withdrawal from the party's ruling council, so we're now waiting to see who ends up as leader of the opposition. Not that it'll make all that much of a difference anyway, what with that huge gap they left the Jimintou to stretch their legs in. It looks like he won't be retiring from politics entirely, though, as he did win his own seat, and it sounds like he intends to continue legislature service as an ordinary legislature guy.

Ishihara Shintarou, Ishin no Kai (Japan Restoration Party) – 43 seats

This is where things get a little more fun. With a clear winner almost from the beginning, the big story this election was the formation of the new Ishin no Kai party, and what they were going to do about the election, and who was going to lead, and what the hell was on their minds exactly. Well, now we have the answers to those first two questions, and as you can see, things worked out pretty well for them, as they're now within striking range of the Minshutou. In a surprise move, Hashimoto, the Mayor of Oosaka, ceded leadership to Ishihara, his ostensible senpai and decrepit lunatic of a co-founder. This was a bit of a personal disappointment for me since Hashimoto is so much more charismatic and assholish, although, it may be a strategic move on his part since Ishihara is going to retire or die within the next like ten seconds, at which point Hashimoto can take charge, make use of the groundwork Ishihara has lain, and appear that much more legit in the long run.

Yamaguchi Natsuo, Komeitou (New Komeitou) – 31 seats

This is where my initial premise falls apart as I realise I only know the Big Names, and start focussing on the parties instead. I mentioned this before but it's still funny: Japan's ruling party is right-wing; its opposition was formed by refugees from the ruling right-wing party; the third-place party is made up of wacko right-wingers; and the fourth-place party is a right-wing religious offshoot party. But at least it's Buddhist, which is a nice change of pace. Oh, right, and it's called the Komeitou in Japanese but the New Komeitou in English. That isn't stupid or anything.

Watanabe Yoshimi, Minna no Tou (Your Party) – 18 seats

Everyone's Party.

Kada Yukiko, Nippon Mirai no Tou (Tomorrow Party) – 9 seats

Japan Party of the Future? Party of the Japanese Future? Future Party Japan? Hey, I think we've just hit upon a great title for an anime, or album, or band, or blog. Have at it. Also, they're down from 61 seats. It's bad to go from heavily relevant to significantly less relevant, it must be awful to go from barely relevant to meaningless.

Shii Kazuo, Nihon Kyouzantou (Japanese Communist Party) – 8 seats

Down one seat. A minor tactical loss, but, with the Jimintou's landslide victory, strategic devastation.

Fukushima Mizuho, Shakai Minshutou (Social Democratic Party) – 2 seats

Down from five. Very lonely.

Jimi Shouzaburo, Kokumin Shintou (People's New Party) – 1 seat

One seat. One. Also, note how the staunchly left-wing parties all kind of bunch up near the end? That's symptomatic of a general inability to form a united leftist front. The Minshutou is theoretically centrist and the Jimintou has its moments, but if they keep splitting the leftist votes they'll never get anything they really want. Admittedly, if they all amalgamated tomorrow they'd still only have 11 seats, but maybe in some future election they'd be able to win a handful more if they weren't forcing their base to choose between the socialists and communists.

As was the case prior to the election, I'm still mostly interested in Hashimoto and wondering if he'll do anything spectacular. And to reiterate something else I said before, it's my personal wish to see Abe either bookend the one-year Prime Minister thing by being both the first and last, or to break the tradition he himself started and actually last a while. Not sure it's wise to bet on either, though.

Japanese Politics Primer, Part 2: PM Parade

Part one.
Part three.

Unfortunately the last installment ended up being much longer than I had originally envisioned, but that was somewhat necessitated by the depth and density of the material. Hopefully this time will be a little easier to swallow and possibly more entertaining, since we'll be talking about the fact that the Japanese Prime Ministership has been a complete gong show going on seven years now.

Even if you're totally unfamiliar with Japanese politics, you've probably caught wind of this development in the media at least a couple of times (for some reason it was particularly popular fodder when Kan was in power). The gist of it is that ever since 2006 we've been presented with a new PM almost annually, the situation becoming successively more absurd and the reasons more sigh-inducing.

*

Koizumi Jun'ichiro (2001-2006)

I think Koizumi might be my favourite Japanese Prime Minister ever. Not particularly for his policies or anything, which I'm not even that familiar with, but because he was fun to watch, even if he was kind of before my time. He's become a bit of a minor legend, with newsanchors regaling us with tales of his Segway expeditions, need for speed, dress-up sessions, discovery of some psychadelic mushrooms, and, of course, his magnificent hair. He was kind of the Pierre Elliott Trudeau of Japan in that way. Though he attracted international criticism for his visits to Yasukuni Shrine, he was ultimately one of the most successful politicians in Japanese history. He enjoyed considerable popularity and pushed through a number of reforms, but after his postal privatization bill was defeated in 2005 he announced that he would step down the following year in order to make way for his successor.

Abe Shinzou (2006-2007)

Koizumi endorsed no one, and the Jimintou leadership convention appointed Abe, who easily led them to victory in the 2006 election. For the most part he continued on with the policies that Koizumi had set into motion, but also made enemies with stupid moves like stoking existing WWII textbook controversy, denying the existence of comfort women, and trying to mess with the Imperial orders of succession. His worst mistake by far was to suggest that Article 9 of the Japanese constitution needs to be changed. Because oh man, that is just asking for heat. Article 9 is the one that prohibits Japan from having a real army and Abe had been thinking that maybe Japan needed one of those after all. Of course, this brooked a huge argument over whether trying to destroy the constitution was unconstitutional, which it was, unless you look at it retroactively. On the other hand, his Asian foreign policy is generally praised as taking positive steps towards understanding and reconciliation, in spite of the comments he made in that area.

Less than a year after his ascension, he stepped down, citing serious stomach problems, because this is a culture where you can speak publicly about gastrointestinal trauma without being publicly ridiculed. There is some speculation about whether this was a legitimate medical issue or merely an excuse allowing him to gracefully dodge responsibility, but it's kind of a useless argument as it's all conjecture. It's still a lame way to go out regardless, though. That said, we may not have seen the last of Abe.

Fukuda Yasuo (2007-2008)

Fukuda was kind of unremarkable and in fact, the only thing about him that particularly sticks out in my mind is that he looks kind of like a turtle. After some discussion over whether he or Aso Tarou should assume the Prime Minister's seat, he took over from Abe in quite undramatic fashion and proceeded to not accomplish much of anything at all. He did come up with some stupid word choices and the occasional superfluous sexist or xenophobic just, you know, kind of thrown in there for flavour. A big contributing factor to his eventual fall was his inability to cooperate with the Minshutou, as exemplified by his statement that Japan would continue to provide United States naval forces with fuel even though the Minshutou had made it quite clear they would tolerate no such thing. Mostly, though, he is noted for his ineffectiveness, so in hindsight it's not surprising that he didn't last. Realising that the Jimintou and Minshutou were hopelessly at loggerheads and it was all his fault, he resigned out of nowhere following the failure of his medical reform package.

Asou Tarou (2008-2009)

A high-ranking Jimintou guy since the early Koizumi days, Asou was left heir apparent with Fukuda gone, and he gladly leaped into action. Asou is easy to hate, but I kind of like him. I find his completely unearned cockiness just somehow endearing, his smirking sneer oddly compelling. His unbelievably ignorant and inflammatory comments are also amusing in their own way, insulting Jews, burakumin (butchers, morticians, etc), Ainu, Zainichi, Korea, China, America, and Japan. He's kind of a magnificent asshole. Shockingly, the voting public were, it would seem, not so keen on him, as he called an election and promptly got kicked to the moon, giving the Minshutou an unprecedented majority. Having presided over the party's worst loss in its history and (so it seemed at the time) possibly having destroyed it outright, he immediately resigned as party leader. Intriguingly, he is a professed manga fan, inspiring Otaku Nation to take him as their own, with a billboard in his image once erected in Akihabara.

Hatoyama Yukio (2009-2010)

Hailing from Hokkaidou, Hatoyama pulled off a victory mostly by being less repulsive than Asou, not an especially impressive feat. Counterpoint: I realise that looks should be irrelevant in evaluating a politician, but holy hell, this guy's face is goddamn terrifying. You're welcome. Naturally, he does deserve some credit for taking down the ordinarily invincible Jimintou, and he also pushed through an impressive number of reforms, although he doesn't quite compare to Koizumi in terms of either numbers or necessity. What ultimately took him down, a mere six months in the job, was a couple of poor foreign policy decisions. The American military's presence in Okinawa has been a contentious issue for decades, and promising a round of base-kibosh was less than savvy, especially when the DPRK sank an ROK submarine and indirectly forced him to keep it open. Throw in the de rigeur financial scandals that come with the territory and his party ultimately compelled him to step aside. Interestingly, Hatoyama comes from a whole family of politicians.

Kan Naoto (2010-2011)

Hatoyama's deputy stepped in to replace him, and it turns out he had no shortage of past transgressions against good taste, which is surprising considering that I mainly remember him for how incredibly bland he was. Not that I was really paying attention at the time, so maybe I'm just totally off. Like his predecessor, he managed to piss a whole bunch of people off by dicking around with stuff that ought not to be dicked around with, in this case the consumption tax. For whatever reason, the Japanese public is strongly, strongly against even the possibility of a rising consumption tax, which has always seemed strange to me given that Canada's is substantially higher, but then again, we also have much stronger social services. His foreign policy was outright incompetent; the current Senkaku dispute, which political analyst Tougou Kazuhiko believes will develop into something truly worrisome within the next year, first broke under his watch, and also antagonized the nuclear-equipped DPRK after its island bombardment. But perhaps his worst failure was the poor handling of the 2011 Touhouku Earthquake relief, and after a little touch-and-go he too stepped down, mostly voluntarily.

Noda Yoshihiko (2011-present)

Finally we arrive at our current Prime Minister, a well-intentioned guy who is at least more likeable than those of recent memory. He has pursued an agenda of nuclear non-proliferation as best he can, this being one of the Minshutou's main tenants, but the opposition's constant dickish interference anytime he's tried to do almost anything at all has seriously stymied any initiatives he might like to take. In kind of an interesting case of rollover, he evoked ire in the same vein as not only Hatoyama but Kan as well, by trying to both double the consumption tax and incite an Asia-Pacific war. After realising that nobody wanted him around anymore, but pretending not to, he called an election for December 16^th and proceeded with an elaborate show of looking as though he believes he might be re-elected.

*

The way things stand, Abe seems poised to re-take the Prime Minister's seat, but on an absolute scale he's not actually all that popular. Personally, I hope that this means that he will last only one more year before making way for yet another...someone who will last. It would be fun if the man who kicked off the one-year term trend was also the last one to continue it, 'cause that would not only bookend things nicely but also maybe mean we could stop faffing about and get some work done.

Snow in Kyouto

Finally.

Though this is my first time being in Kyouto passed August, and I was frankly beginning to wonder if it maybe had not so much four distinct seasons as one continuous summer that happened to get slightly cooler around October. Of course Japan is so far south that I wasn't really expecting much, but, nope, this morning we finally got a burst of real, honest-to-God snow. Several months late of course, but it looks like it'll stick.

Although snowfall is actually symptomatic of an increase in temperature, this prompted me to finally admit that it is starting to get cooler; last week it reached the point where I could tolerate the heat without having to roll up my sleeves, and today I wore an actual jacket. As the dorm's resident Canadian it is incumbent upon me to chuckle appreciatively at all those who were seeing a whole bunch of the white stuff for the very first time, and also to mill around absentmindedly while all those in my vicinity dance back and forth, pull their hoods over their eyes, and encase themselves in seal lard.

I admit I do put up a bit of a front (my disuse of the word “eh” is apparently throwing people), but in all seriousness it is just honestly not that cold, at all, in comparison to what things are like back where I come from. I also enjoy watching the neophytes, with their sliding on the ice, imitating the Michelin Man, and trying to take pictures of falling snow. Guys, stop it. Not possible. Of course, I laugh now, but I'll get mine when Legit Summer comes back around and the roles are reversed. I survived Kyouto summer once before but I do not look forward to suffering daily heat stroke between the bed and the shower.

Regardless of your politeness or gender, being abroad has a strange effect on your sense of time. During my last ryuugaku I felt like the entire universe had accelerated. I'd think about stuff that happened the week before and it'd feel like it just happened. Holy shit, it's Thursday again? Didn't we just do that, like, yesterday?

Curiously, this time I initially had the opposite experience. I've been here barely two weeks but it feels like about three months. It must be because the experiences I've accumulated so far have come so tightly packed, and to gather the same number in Canada would require much longer. Now my perception of the passage of time is back to normal, but until today the lack of cold weather had my metabolic clock thinking that it was still roughly September, so that anytime the date was mentioned I felt like I was being left behind.

Momiji

Anyone acquainted with the rudiments of Japanese culture is most likely familiar with hanami, in which people hold big outdoor drinking parties against the backdrop of the beautifully blossoming sakura trees. What's comparatively less known is that it has an autumn counterpart as well. Momiji is the term for going out to view the beautiful red leaves, and according to Seven, Kyouto is particularly famed for them, which is why we were swarmed with (Japanese) tourists a couple of weeks ago. Like many things in Japan, it's really just an excuse to get out and spend some time with friends, and truly, what more could you ask of a Sunday afternoon?

Oosaka-jou

Professional shots are prettier, but mine are more personal and won't get me sued.

Life abroad teaches some people as much about themselves as it does about their host country. They find new interests, discover an inner strength and independence they never knew they had, and finally realise what it is that they really want to do with their life.

I, meanwhile, have been learning what an exclusionary asshole I can be. The other dorm-dwellers tend to travel in packs; I am an ordinarily solitary adventurer and in no mood to entertain tag-alongs. In the last three months I have lied, misdirected and outright hidden information, all to keep the white scourge out of public events. I'm pretty good at it, but it's pathetically easy to foil, even by accident. That's how three of the most annoying girls in the house ended up coming on the English Club's trip to Oosaka-jou.

How would I feel if the roles were reversed? In fact, they would be, if I were in Korea right now, not to mention that English Club actually wanted the girls there. I felt unworthy and penitent. Then they actually arrived, and I immediately stopped. They yelled on the train, drew unnecessary attention to themselves, required an inordinate amount of explanation to accomplish simple tasks, annoyed me, and ran around saying individual words of Japanese they happen to know and thinking that doing so was fucking hilarious (this is one of my least favourite Japanese behaviours, tied with “thinking you're speaking fluent Japanese with an edge of self-satisfaction in your voice, while making no goddamned sense whatsoever.”) I spent most of the day avoiding them.

*

Oosaka-jou is a strange mixture of memories for me, starting with my first visit to Japan way back in 2001. Being a little kid at the time, I got put up with some Japanese families during the boring parts, and one of them took me there from Uji by bullet train. My first host family, my first shinkansen ride, and my first real exposure to Japan. Years later, during my high school exchange, I was with a group riding back from an Oosaka excursion, seated with an intriguing, dark, 19-year-old Jgirl who pointed it out as we went past. Night was just setting in and it was all lit up and beautiful. Not long after she became my first girlfriend.

And in any case, it was also the first Important Japanese Thing that I ever went to see, so when you put all of this together I feel like it is, in some small way, mine.

*

The grounds themselves are open, relaxing and lend themselves well to exploration, and we saw joggers, old people taking a stroll, a Chinese tour group and even a few young couples.

To what era of history do you suppose this pipe dates back?

I leaped atop a partition and literally almost pitched myself over the edge. This is what would have awaited me.

Like all historical sites of a certain age, Oosaka-jou has been razed and rebuilt a number of times, so that I always end up a little confused as to how much of what I'm looking at is legit and how much is just show. Maybe it doesn't matter in the end; maybe Theseus's ship is still the ship that won the war even if you set it on fire and rebuild it from scratch. I certainly know that when we crossed the bridge and walked through the main gate, I saw horses shuffling around and waved to the sentries welcoming me back from a successful sortie.

I'd like to attend this university. Oh, wait, this is Oosaka-jou.

I guess they had cannon stationed here at some point. They've obviously moved it, though. I mean where the hell's the firing lane supposed to be? The crew wouldn't even be able to see over the lip of their own wall.

I had quite a lot of fun examining the design of the castle and its various layers, especially the ramp leading up to the main doorway, which would require an attacking force to wind its way around and up while being assailed from above at all angles. Once inside, it's...pretty clear that the place has been refurbished since the Sengoku period. The gift shop, industrial lighting, marble foyer, and elevator kind of give it away. Per official recommendations, we started at the top and worked our way down. The eighth floor was mostly a viewing platform, and my but I do love city views. Takenoko and I could have stayed up there for hours.

Love this juxtaposition. It's the only block of greenspace in a sea of concrete and glass.

The seventh floor showed scenes from the story of Toyotomi Hideyoshi and Oosaka-jou. If I hadn't been with people I probably would have sat myself down and learned all I could. Toyotomi, along with Oda Nobunaga and Tokugawa Ieyasu, was one of the Big Three in Japanese history. Each successively contributed to unifying the country during its outrageously destructive civil war period, after which followed the Edo Jidai, which comprised 300 years of peace and culture. Toyotomi was the guy who finally realised Nobunaga's ambition, afterwards constructing the castle to serve as the seat of his power and military strength. He was eventually overthrown by Tokugawa, who destroyed the castle and then rebuilt it, which seems terribly inefficient. Ultimately when the Tokugawa bakufu was itself overthrown in 1868, the monarchy restored and the Meiji Jidai slashed open, the fortress was once again obliterated, before the Mayor had it restored in 1928, only to see it used as an Arsenal and blown to bits in World War II. The current iteration was completed in 1997, but you'll probably never remember all these dates, the important thing is damn but she's been rebuilt a lot. Used to have another tower, though.

Surprised this could even be captured, but I guess light is light.

Two floors down (suspiciously, there is no sixth floor) we have little plastic men engaged in a fight to the death. We also acquired some commemorative stamps. Yuutarou then pulled out a small book of them, which he had collected from points of interest all over Japan.

Beneath that is two storeys of ancient artefacts, mostly weapons. No photographs allowed, understandably, which is too bad because some of the stuff is really cool. The full suits of armour were especially impressive, in my opinion. I'd like to have one made so that I could wear it to special events, or around the house, or whatever. There is some consolation in that for 300 yen you can try on a kabuto and a jacket and have your picture taken, which the pamphlet claims is “extremely popular.” Nobody in our group tried it, but we did watch a few other people embarrass themselves.

Good times having been had, our fearless leader, an Oosakajin, figured it only made sense to hit up Nanba for some takoyaki. Though my plan is to live in Oosaka at the earliest opportunity, I have unfortunately long waged a battle with takoyaki, its local specialty. I'm fine with the “weirdness,” I don't even mind the taste, but the fact is it takes about a hundred chews per swallow. It'd be easier to eat a bicycle tire. Also, we got to see the Glico man. If Oosaka-jou is the official Treasure of Oosaka, the Glico man is probably its unofficial one. So I was glad to cross that one off my list.

Nanba.

At night he lights up.

The girls then shopped for 90-odd hours. While Takenoko, Yuutarou and I waited for them and their handlers, Yuutarou pointed out his favourite clothing store, a decent bar, and the best street to find a prostitute. Sadly, they managed not to get lost on their way back. They'd been ragging at my patience all day and at this point even completely innocent comments like “this is way better than Sanjou!” are annoying the tits out of me because no shit, welcome to a regular-sized city, I mean, Jesus, grab a brain.

I will now end on the most trivial note possible, just so I can get this here out of the way. Have you ever seen this? You probably have. You go to a restaurant and there's a stove in the middle of your table. They bring you the stuff and you cook it to your liking, or sometimes they make parts of it for you, as you watch. It's pretty common at yakisoba and okonomiyaki places, and if you put octopus legs on them they writhe around as though still alive. Most people don't even notice, I find it disturbing. The uneaten bits get scraped into a cavity underneath, and I pity the person whose job it is to clean it.

Bar scar

Ok, it's finally time to end this overly long story.

Nasser is taken to the police box and everybody there gives a statement. I try to plead ignorance but Nasser assures me it's completely meaningless so I write down my name and address as incorrectly and illegibly as I can manage. It transpires that Nasser has some kind of disease – he doesn't appear to have any physical disabilities, so I can only assume it's of the tragic die-young variety – and he is let off with only a warning.

Everybody congratulates each other on our fairly pointless but incredibly skillful show of pretending I don't speak Japanese.

We resume drinking. I reflect on the situation and decide that if my life were a Japanese drama, and this were episode one, and I were the main character, I would end up dating Gyrau Groupie. Unfortunately Nasser has also played such a large role tonight that he would necessarily be a second-tier main, so I'd be getting caught up in his stupidity all the time. Ultimately we realise the trains are now running so we decide to call it a night. Amusingly, the same police we'd just been dealing with are now trying to coax a collapsed drunk back to life.

Haha. Oh, wow. It's Chinese.

You'd think I'd stop taking clandestine photos after what happened earlier. Nope.

Another hour ensues as we announce that we will take responsibility for this complete stranger. Incredibly, the police are satisfied with this. We spend another 45 minutes making a five-minute walk, half-carrying Chinese to a karaoke place where we figure we can set up shop and get him some much-needed rest. I jump in and do most of the heavy living, because story of my goddamn life. By the way, have I ever mentioned that I'm pro at taking care of drunk people? I totally am, because I understand what they want and how to trick them into thinking they're going to get it if they do what I say. Just as we're reaching our destination, Chinese slips.

He's been berating us for stupidly helping us out when we should just let him die, so I don't know if the next part is intentional, but it doesn't matter anyway. But holy shit. His hand seizes the back of my neck. I'm not 100% sure what happens here; surely it has to do with the fact that he has almost his entire body weight on the most fragile part of my human body, but I think he must have also gotten hold of a nerve or otherwise something very important.

I'm overwhelmed by the urge to punch him in the face. I ignore it. I cry out. I cry out harder. I cry out extremely hard. I clamp my eyes shut. He stumbles away. I stumble away.

Worse than it looks.

I wobble towards Subway, moaning. I smash into the window and use it for support. Oh my god. Holy fuck. Ok. Ok. Oh god. Maybe a few tears slip out. Or maybe they don't. Ok maybe they do but fuck off, I'm also drunk. Nobody even notices until I make my way back, in extreme distress. I'm breathing hard and my heart is like bababababababababa. Everyone is justifiably concerned. Nasser gives me hug after hug until I get a grip. The original plan was to take Chinese into the store, maybe have a few rounds of karaoke, and see what happens from there. This turn of events convinces them to just leave him outside the street elevator. I don't argue; I've about had enough.

I finally go home.