School festivals, part 2: Kyoujo

Last night we were all finally paid the money we made from our little World Karaage adventure. It turned out to be a startling 4500 yen per person. Now, I am sure I spent at least 2000 enjoying the rest of the festival, put in about ten hours of labour extolling our product's virtues, and went to a 3000-yen nomikai with English Club, but still I have to say that with materials costing 1000 yen this turned out to be quite a high return on my investment.

As I mentioned, we sold out so many times that we elected not to even do the third day. This new opening in my schedule would have been well-spent enjoying the festival some more, but instead an English Club guy and myself decided to check out one from another school, which happened to be running concurrently with our own. The institution in question was Kyouto Joshi Daigaku, that is, Kyouto Girls' University, because how can you say no to that. We talked some big talk about going out to get ourselves some girlfriends, and it was only later that I realised I was the only one who was joking. He did score some e-mail addresses and, apparently, a date, so credit where it's due.

Entering felt like being let inside a secretive enclave, and our first few steps were furtive and tentative, as though we trod upon sacred ground (and in a way I would like to think that we did). Obviously this was my first visit to a joshidai, and I was able to sate my curiosity as to what one is like (answer: basically like any other university.) I had also been wondering where the male teachers and staff go when they need to piss; it turns out that there are roughly as many mens' bathrooms as womens', which I guess is nice, if spatially wasteful.

Some of the students did have me wishing I could attend the school myself, making me wonder, as I often do, if you were a lesbian, wouldn't a joshidai (or joshikou) be fucking paradise? This, in turn, raises the question of just how many lesbians and bisexuals are present on campus? Did they choose the university because of the array of possible partners, or for other reasons? If they did come here looking for love, how easily are they able to find it? Is the dormitory a continuous sapphic orgy? Do they steal a sideways glance every now and then in the changerooms, and would the straight girls around them mind if they knew?

 There was a haunted house for some reason, which struck me as just slightly out of season. This sign warns that the club putting it on will not be held responsible for any relationship troubles that may arise (what?).

 No touching the girls!

 They're voting on a new mascot. I like 21 and I think it makes thematic sense, but 19 is also cool. What do you guys think?

 You get a couple of one-yen coins and have to drop them into one of those shot glasses. (If you're not aware, one-yen coins are incredibly light, so this is much more challenging than it would be to drop in, say, a penny.) You're supposed to turn the coin sideways or put both of them together so that their combined weight will allow you to make a straight shot, but I instead let mine manically swing back and forth before striking the inside of the target and settling. Did it in one try, too. Just saying.

 Kyoujo has an English Club, too! My buddy spent some time making nice with them. I think he was 10% trying to forge ties between the clubs, 90% trying to pick up one of the girls.

 Traditional dance type thing. Pretty cool that they can set up a little grandstand like this, eh?

 Visual Kei bands played inside Kyoujo Hall all day long. You can't see, but the drummer, Mao-chan, is pretty cute. Really missed an opportunity there.

 Like I say, things gets pretty lively! Gender lines were pretty even except for the occasional sea of girls, and me the only foreigner in sight.

 There's anko baked inside. I also had some deep-fried ice cream.

 Yeah, they put an awful lot of effort into beautification.

The Shoudou Club room was unattended but had some stuff laid out so everybody could do some collaborative artwork type stuff. Let's Try indeed.

 "I want a Kyoujo girlfriend." "Me too!"

 "Hatsukoi," first love. I signed my work after; considered leaving my e-mail address and a solicitation as well, but thought better of it.

 "Kyoujo girls are all so cute."

 While dicking around in the Shoudou room we met a couple of girls with whom we then spent the rest of the day. They were traditional dancers of some description, hence the footwear.

One stall was selling pork buns, and if you bought one you got to take a picture with literally about twenty hot Kyoujo girls decked out in full cosplay brocade, from standard nurses and maids to more animeish stuff. I tried to demur but somehow got dragged into the chaos...I can only imagine what they must have thought of the pathetic skinny white boy in their midst, this lucky loser enjoying a once-in-a-lifetime chance. Which is why I tried to demur.

 Receive a ticket every time you buy something. Collect five and you get to pull for a prize. I ended up with a lot more than five. No surprises there.

 I won two of the same thing: A couple 2-litres of cold coffee. I'm not too sure how to react to that.

 Sadly, the day had to end at some point. The school is serviced by the "Kyoujo Princess Bus Line." It...yeah.

School festivals

You breathe in the atmosphere and can't help but enjoy it. The everyday walkways have become almost unrecognizably crowded with stalls and signage. The throbbing crowd bumps and grinds like a moshpit, at points becoming practically unnavigable. Every few feet you're assailed by an aggressive student asking you to buy some food. And the noise, it's a strangely harmonious cacophony of chatter, sizzling grills, and people yelling at you. Basically you're enveloped in a vortex of off-time dubstep. And it's great!

You're at a school festival!

As fall wears on, universities throughout the country invite students from other institutions as well as the general public to come on in and check the place out. (As a Canadian, I feel that the fact that holding an outdoor festival in November was even worthy of consideration is noteworthy in itself.) We have food! We have entertainment! We have stuff we've been working on and want to show you! They last around three days, for which period the campus is transformed into a carnival grounds. Well, not like rides or anything, but that kind of vibe, except without the feeling of needing to take a shower when you get home. There's really nothing comparable at most Western universities, I think, so it's a little hard to describe the mood if you haven't been. But if you can, go check one out!

My host university's school festival was a little while ago, and I spent an enjoyable couple of afternoons just wandering around, taking in the atmosphere, and stopping to talk with people I knew. I also ate a lot of horribly unhealthy food, including french fries, waffles, ice cream with pieces of toast, baby castellas with jam, yakisoba, yakimeshi, milk tea, yakitori cooked in miso, and anything else I could be convinced to buy. The portions are small for the price and it's nothing you couldn't make for yourself, but anybody who complains much about this is missing the point. I didn't buy my lunch at the festival because it was the smart choice, I did it in a show of support for my fellow students, and simply because, you know, it's fun! I don't see how anybody can go to a Japanese festival and fail to enjoy themselves.

We of the international dormitory sold World Karaage, the “world” coming from the various unusual seasonings to which we subjected it (Finnish salt, Polish sour cream, Korean spicy sauce, and Chinese soy cause, all bizarre yet tasty combinations in their own way.) Karaage transpired to be a deliciously disgusting kind of fried chicken cooked in a mixture of strange chemicals whose exact nature was never revealed to those of us outside the cooking station, thus preserving its secret. Instead, I was among those responsible for bringing in customers, for which the main technique is yelling into people's faces about what you're selling and extolling its virtues. I teamed up with Creepy Finn, one of my few maamaa Nihongo dekiru dormmates, and we started trading off until we actually had it down to a system: “It's World Karaage!” “There's four flavours!” “World flavours!” “Starting from 200 yen!” “It's good!” “Please try some!” “Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!” Then repeat for the next crowd.

The most effective technique is to actually try and engage them in conversation, though most passersby are not amenable to this because they know where it leads. But if you can isolate a group of two or three from the surging masses, your job is halfway done. If you hold their attention for more than thirty seconds, especially if you can entertain or gratify them, the sale is practically made. One of the best things to do is just start talking about the most absurdly irrelevant and pointless thing that comes to mind. The gimmicks of “World” Karaage (as opposed to the regular karaage being sold elsewhere on campus) and foreigners speaking varying levels of Japanese was usually pretty good by itself. We also resorted to having some people dress up as chipmunks, Pikachu, and Batman, so there's that.

Whatever we did must have been effective, because we ended up selling out three times, eventually deciding not to risk buying more supplies and continuing a third day. When we finally dispensed with the last plate late Saturday night, a cheer went up from our stall and several of us started spontaneously dancing, drawing the attention of every sane person within earshot and deeply intimidating the girl who had bought it.

The whole also had the ancillary benefit of dramatically raising my profile on campus, as I'm sure any number of people will remember me and tell me so later. I've also decided that I'm just going to throw awkwardness to the wind and just go up and start talking to people who seem like they might be cool, because damn it, I miss being at a school where every third person knows my name (even when I don't know theirs), and building up my profile here is just taking too damn long.

A professional and fairly sizeable stage was erected in the plaza. The second evening had a free concert (“live”) by a fairly well-known Kansai rock band, and the first one had a goddamn karaoke tournament. I mean how cool is that? I sat in the audience with Seven, Yoritomo of the Genji, and Zombie Nurse, because Hyeong was competing. I half-expected him to bust out Gangnam Style, because I mean, well because he's Korean, obviously, and has kind of the same body type as Psy, and because shit would have fucking killed. But Hyeong, see, he's way too classy a guy to go for that. He performed in Japanese. And I can sympathize with that, because fuck knows I hate being forced to sing in English when I do karaoke with some people. So Hyeong, he's got a great singing voice that he really knows how to use, so he did this real soulful romantic type song that I'm sure had most every girl in the audience either swooning or soaking, or both, yeah in fact probably both. And evidently that was the way to go, because he won! He straight-up won the whole damn competition. That's right, my man, that is how it's done.

Good times.

Guide Section

Up to this point, I have mostly been associated with the Conversation Section of my university's English Club, for basically no other reason than that they happened to pick me up first. And that's fine, because most of them are pretty cool, and I've managed to make some genuine friends after sifting through the weirdos and the Anglophiles. But, hey, I decided not to formally join the club because I wanted to keep myself open for other opportunities, right?

The main quirk that sets Guide apart from the other two sections is that from time to time on weekends they take groups of foreigners to various sightseeing spots around Kyouto. You would logically think that at least a few members would therefore be aspiring tour guides, but I have yet to meet one. They shouldn't be hard to find, either, considering that it is for some reason larger than the other two combined, with over fifty members. It seems that originally there no divisions, but they got divvied up when the three foreign English teachers started having differences of opinion, one exchange leading to a fistfight and subsequent restraining order, which I can only imagine means that staff meetings are conducted by handwritten notes and teaching schedules arranged by awkward phone call, so that the two in question can maintain the requisite distance. All three then followed this up by utterly losing interest in their respective sections and never involving themselves with their day-to-day affairs ever again, rendering the whole differentiation thing meaningless.

But I had heard reports that besides this key difference they were otherwise functionally identical to Conversation, which turned out to be completely untrue. Both sections utilise the "speech," whose actual English meaning would imply a single participant reciting something in front of the group but is used here to indicate pair work in which one partner rambles on about some completely trivial topic for a little while before being interrogated on their assertions, then switching roles. Some of Conversation's typical activities are free talking, light role-playing, and 2-minute speeches. Guide Section discussed an English news story, translated a passage of a difficult book, and did 5-minute speeches.

In short, Guide Section is more like a study group, and Conversation Section is more a place to dick around as much as possible. Guide's topic of discussion tonight was "Kyouto," Conversation's was "which is a better place for a first date, a horserace or a hotel." You can probably guess that I will not be visiting Guide Section too terribly often in future, as well as which one I observe to have the higher aggregate level of English ability.

I don't even dare delve into Discussion Section, whose section chief also heads English Club overall. They're said to be strict as a classroom and run until 10 pm. On the other hand, there's one cutie who may possibly lure me in, though I am receiving mixed reports on her, one girl telling me "I know her pretty well, and she's a little loose," and another saying, "I've only talked to her once, but she definitely isn't," leaving me at a loss as to what to believe, not that I mind anyway.

Nara photoglut

Another pretty ok set! I hope we're not all getting tired of these yet, because there'll be more in the future.

 Gyouki, a Buddhist monk, enemy of the government and hero of the people. He travelled around the Kansai area establishing temples in the vein of community centres. Later on he and the ruling officials made peace, and he used his expertise to help oversee the construction of Toudaiji. And now there's a statue of him outside Kintetsu Nara.

 This is just for all the girls who squeal over cute animals. This one is cute, right? I don't really understand girls very well.

 Five-Storey Pagoda and Daikodou Hall. Even if you infiltrated the Five-Storey Pagoda you wouldn't actually be able to reach the top, because the stairs and stuff just stop. Way to falsely advertise, Buddhism.

 Weird little lake that Cologne, HK and I went to check out while the other ten or so stood yelling at us to hurry up for five minutes straight.

 Anarchy in the UK and I found this hilarious for some reason.

 Green space that stretches on like this forever. Do they cull the trees to keep them from growing up too close together? They're awfully consistent.

 Fairly big mansion right there in the middle of the park. Sort of like what Mr Sunnyside had going in Central Park in Sakura Taisen V.

 They let you get awfully close. Well obviously, since they assume you're going to feed them.

 Solid twelve feet tall at least, I'd say. Although the shashin doesn't really utsuru it.

 These lanterns line the paths for a looooooong way. Like, kilometres.

 In thanks for the bounty your grace hath given us, we offer thee...beer! Well, if I ever became a deity, I know I'd appreciate beer more than incense or cow's blood.

 Can you kind of see that dog statue on the left, there? This will be important later.

 REALLY close!

 I told you, they're goddamn everywhere.

 The terminus of Lantern Lane.

 Duck!

 Right, so, dogs. Though perhaps the ugliest and least intelligent animals in the universe, dogs are revered as protectors of this general temply area, hence the statues you can find of them here and there. I have even heard rumours that some people willingly keep dogs in their presence, even adopting them as pets, though I find this a little incredible.

 Guarding the first gate to Toudaiji. Stupid net kind of kills the shots, but what do you want.

 There are broad, long lanes between the gates. The masses of people make it a pretty fun walk. Feels like you're in the midst of doing something momentous.

 Right before the final gate.

 By the way, since Buddhist temples are made of wood, they have a tendency to burn down. That's why they have those gold things on the roof. Not to act as lightning rods or anything, but because the shape represents a fish's tail. And you know, fish live in water, which almost never catches fire, so.

 Pretty detailed, right? You can locate it in the photo above if you like.

 He's actually kind of intimidating!

 Close-up view of the guardian warriors' faces. It's a little macabre, actually.

And our history tour finishes with some modern convenience.

Nara

I was faced with a choice today: Stay around campus, meet people, and help set up for the school festival, or take a field trip to Nara for a class I'm not even taking? The former would never happen again, while the latter was something I could do at any time for myself. But, I thought, let's be honest, without a good reason, you know I never will.

We rendezvoused at Kyouto Station, where Cologne, Australzealand, Double Expat, and the two Finns were ready to go, with myself and Anarchy in the UK as the only hangers-on. Their five Japanese classmates accompanied us as well, naturally. Two were of the arrogant and annoying linguistic imperialists who tend to be quite unavoidable in J...well in every country, I would guess, actually. One was a girl of the “you're doing it wrong, stop trying,” school of assault, the other a guy opting for “don't worry, there is no need for your feckless foreign ass to stumble through the incomprehensible complexities of Japanese, for I speak extremely shitty English.” The other three were just kind of normal, and so although I liked them better they are much less interesting for our purposes right now. Although one was cute.

The teacher was a Japanese woman several centuries in age, a former tour guide who took up teaching as a form of semi-retirement and who thus, I am told, has very little in the way of classroom skills. But what she does have is a deep well of knowledge on the subjects we are visiting, so while the pacing is a little off it's an informative trip indeed. Unfortunately, her final mental possession is the belief that we are all American Christians, although not a single one of us is either, and furthermore the belief that we are actually either children or imbeciles, unfit to stray from the sight of our Japanese chaperones or judge for ourselves whether or not we needed to use the bathroom.

First stop was Horyuuji. It's quite an architecturally dynamic little complex.

The centrpiece is a five-storey pagoda:

Ah no, wait:

It may or may not, but almost certainly does not, have a Buddha bone-fragment at the bottom.

We didn't stray far from the station so I can't attest to the rest of the town, but the places we visited were infested with its famous deer. You can buy little snacks from stalls to feed them, or really you can feed them whatever you have on you, because they will eat almost anything, including plastic. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe they are similar to cows in India, allowed to roam freely because of their holiness. They gained this status because the god Takemikazuchi rode to protect the newly established capital on a white deer. The more touristy the spot, the more aggressively they will pursue your lunch. In front of Toudaiji, Nara's most important sight in my personal opinion, at the age of 11, I was very nearly knocked down and trampled by an enthusiastic throng. Anyway, they're omnipresent here, so be sure to picture them milling all around us as you continue to read this post.

We then proceeded to Miwayama, formerly the locus of Japanese Buddhism, until the souhei of Hieisan stole the spotlight. After all, though I currently live in the Old Capital, Nara is the Really Old Capital (and given the pride Kyouto takes in that status, I have to wonder, does Nara's people and government treat their heritage the same way? Do ryuugakusei living there experience the same sort of stuff we do here? Must investigate further.) We ritually purified ourselves before proceeding upwards, lest we sully the mountain.

Anarchy in the UK decided to get a little divination done, only to learn that he would soon be struck with “MISFORTUNE.” Every single aspect of his life indicated some form of negative consequences, and even the ones with a speck of light in them were laden with caveats. Worse, his attempts to ritually ward off his bad luck failed, and he spent the rest of the day losing things, having his konbini bag torn apart by deer, and just generally living up to the miko-san's predictions...

We then proceeded to Toudaiji, where I was hit with constant Phaedrus Moments the entire time we were there (which was certainly different, because they usually come from four years ago, not ten years ago). Those yellow hats belong to a sea of shougakusei, all travelling with their teachers in groups of about six. Are there always this many tour groups?

Anarchy in the UK was, by this point, laden down with all manner of garbage.

“Is that a bin?” he asked, pointing.

“No,” the teacher replied, “that's a museum.”

It's difficult to convey the awesome size of this titanic metal Buddha. Even if I had been able to get something in the frame to show the scale, I think it's something you really have to have in front of you to really appreciate. At the time it was built, this was the largest Buddha statue ever made, and apparently, if somebody somewhere decided to start making a similar one tomorrow they would utilise the exact same techniques, in spite of the substantial technological advances that have come since the year 789. The gold stuff beside him is the sun, on which we can see his transformation from an ordinary man into the Buddha.

Strangely, it's this smaller, far less impressive Buddha that represent Infinity.

These fearsome fighters are here to protect the temple. There's supposed to be one for each of the cardinal directions. Unfortunately, the Tokugawa bakufu didn't have enough money to make four, so they only put them up at the north and west corners.

Now for the good part, and the real reason I came to Nara today at all. Toudaiji is supported by a ton of pillars, one of which has a hole carved through it. For some insane reason, its builders made this cavity to the exact dimensions of the giant Buddha statue's nostril. How the hell anyone came up with this idea I cannot even fathom. However, if you make a wish and then manage to fit through, Buddha will grant it. The first time I was here, I was the only child in a group mainly composed of overweight middle-aged city officials, so I was the only one who could make it through, and that is why I was so excited to do it again. I'm not even gonna lie, I wished for greater Japanese proficiency and a harem of hot girls.

It's tough to see, but there was just enough room. But considering that I stood in line behind a row of small children who uniformly complained of its cramped confines, it was actually a disconcertingly easy fit...

We wrapped up with a visit to the Nara National Museum (FYI: ryuugakusei get in free if you show your gakuseishou. I actually felt pretty bad ducking around the crowd of people waiting for an hour to pay 2000 yen...) Inside, the girl behind the audio-tour desk totally checked me out.

The story behind the current exhibit is pretty interesting: When Emperor Shoumu, the biggest and baddest Nara Jidai Emperor, kicked the bucket, his widow, the former Empress Koumyou, dedicated over 600 items to him (which are included amongst the Shousouin, the Treasures of Nara). This, to my eye, is a terribly romantic story that belies how stultifying most of the items in question are, mostly being everyday household items or 99 zillion of the same type of playing piece, each with a slightly different metallic composition. That said, his favourite biwa (a type of stringed instrument) is there as well, and it's quite beautiful, though mostly not original anymore. A couple of small “pen-knives” (小刀) were there as well, though they were accompanied by a tantalizing absence of explanation.

The item that most caught my eye was the “Tax Registry from Yamatou Prefecture,” so use that information as you will to judge me and my interests. Why a woman would choose a tax registry as a sign of love for her dead husband, I have no idea.