President: I couldn't find any flapper
stuff that I liked, so now I'm being Joan from Mad Men.
Rude Boy: What?! I wanted to be a 1920s
gangster!
President: Be one of the Mad Men.
Rude Boy: But...wouldn't that just be
me in a suit?
President: You could also wear a snazzy
hat.
Two years ago I was a cowboy, and
everybody ended up asking me whether or not that was my costume. And
that really made me have to reflect on the degree to which I've
alienated my friends and family with my weirdness, when I dress up as
a fucking cowboy on Halloween and they ask if it's a costume or just
how I decided to dress that day. I was anticipating similar results
for my Don Draper, since, again, really it was just me in nicer
clothes, and with very well-styled hair (courtesy of Jugs). I'm sure
it didn't help that I'd done a dry run of a possible jacket exactly
one week prior, so a lot of people probably just thought I was trying
to start Formal Thursdays.
I really tried to get the look down,
though. Grey suit, thin lapels. Narrow black tie, white shirt, white
pocket square. But for the full effect, I would really have to master
Don's mannerisms. I surmised that the easiest way to do that would be
to get rat-assed by 11 am and try to keep that going for the rest of
the day, so I kept a full flask in the inside pocket. In the other I
placed a stainless steel Zippo lighter, so that I would be ready
should any pretty young thing require a light, even though I don't
smoke myself. I also printed out a photo of Don and put in my wallet,
mostly for my Japanese friends, who probably wouldn't know the
character, but also in case anybody tried to start arguing with me
that I'd gotten one of the details wrong. I didn't have an
appropriate hat in my collection and there was the problem that Don
is 200 pounds of pure fat and muscle and I barely crest 120 most
days, but know what, fuck it.
I woke up to a pic
of Udon, in a maid costume, grinning at the camera and curtseying
coquettishly. I pretty much came instantly. We still aren't dating,
of course – just leaving that option on the table for whenever I
make it back home – but you know, benefits. President and I had
History together first thing, and I must say we looked quite a pair.
Unsurprisingly, the teacher was our biggest fan. “You look like you
just stepped out of the 60s!” he exclaimed appreciatively. In
mid-lecture, a loud, metallic bang emitted from my pocket, drawing
more attention than I'd have liked. Later inspection confirmed that
it had suddenly expanded, I guess because I'd filled it too far, so
that was my physics lab for the day. Fortunately I was able to pop it
back into place.
Now there is an organization on my
campus, staffed by two paid employees and bolstered by volunteers,
whose job is exclusively to run fun events for international
students. Stuff like, say, horseback riding, which is very Canadian
and something not a lot of people outside Canada have done, or a
wine-tasting tour of the Valley. If you ask me their biggest and best
event of the year is their Halloween Party, and it's fucking awesome.
It's held in this giant conference room and it's dry but there's like
free pop and a ton of snacks and it's all dark and everybody is in
costume and yelling at each other and the girls are all dressed
extremely slutty because duh it's Halloween and there's like a
haunted house and a pumpkin-carving competition and you know a dance
floor and then afterwards the festivities continue at the campus pub.
Also, international students everywhere. I think one of my main
gripes with Canada is that there aren't nearly enough Asians, not
nearly as many as in Asia at any rate, but it seems like there's a
bit of a spike this semester. You know how it is, there's a natural
rise and fall to registration rates. Anyway back in 2009 I was
literally the only domestic
student at the party, and now, four years later, domestic students
going has become just like a thing. Coincidence? Yes, but I still
front-ran the trend.
So
that sort of started off a tradition for me of Halloween being rad.
2009 I hooked up with a Japanese exchange student. 2010 I started
dating a Japanese
exchange student. 2011 nothing happened and I moaned about it
interminably. 2012 Seven and her friends took me to Butterfly. Would
2013 cement the pattern of two on, one off?! I daren't even dream.
When I
arrived back on campus after going for food, President informed me
that the handful of Japanese Club members had all gone off
trick-or-treating, and would not be accompanying us. “I guess
they're just all too cool for us,” she said. On the one hand, I
guess if they're not going out at the same time as little kids, and
if they've actually put effort into their costumes – well, ok.
Fine. On the other hand, what the actual fuck? You motherfuckers are
in your goddamn 20s. Seriously. It just strikes me as so fucking
disrespectful and childish, far more childish, in fact, than an
actual child going trick-or-treating, because actual children are
supposed to go
trick-or-treating. Am I the only one who thinks that by the time you
hit high school, you should be well and truly done with this shit? I
get that there's a dead period where kid stuff is boring but adult
stuff is off-limits or difficult to access, but when you're in
fucking college, there is other stuff for you to do. Jesus.
Later,
though, I started to think that maybe this is also symptomatic of a
change in Club as a whole. Their reasons for not wanting to go to the
party? It's hot, and loud, and crowded, and “not that fun.” Fuck
yeah it's hot, and loud, and crowded, and it's a ton
of fun. Or at least I've always thought so, and President obviously
likes it. But we aren't in charge anymore, and the new people might
just be catering to a bit of a different taste, same as a political
party undergoes shifts in tone over the years, as situations change
and, just as importantly, new leadership steps in. I'm free to furrow
my brow and brandish my cane, but that's just the way it is.
It transpired that
getting in required a student card, which makes sense in retrospect,
but I threw mine in a drawer when I left Canada and never bothered to
put it back in my wallet. Luckily I knew some of the people there and
talked my way in. This, boys and girls, is why we are friendly and
professional with every single person we meet. Once inside we hung
out near the food, chatting and waiting for more people to show up. I
did have my eye out for a particular target, a girl I'd been priming
throughout the preceding week.
Rude Boy: I have
her LINE but I can't use it without Wi-Fi. I don't even have her
phone number. God, what if it's too dark to see and I never find her?
It'll be like fucking How I Met Your Mother.
President: “Kids,
your mother was at that party...”
Fortunately, I
managed to catch her, and we agreed to do the whole haunted house
thing together. She went off to gather her friends but when she came
back she was alone, because they were all “too scared.” Did they
beg off in order to get us alone together? It's possible. We stood in
line for a good half-hour, I kept her smiling and laughing, listened
more than I talked, asked questions and delivered compliments, and
managed not to be cringe-worthily awkward, so I was pretty much at
the top of my game on that front. Inside the house, she did not, at
any point, cling to me in terror, nor hide behind me for protection,
nor pull me aside for a quickie in the corner of the mad scientist's
lab, but at least she seemed to enjoy herself.
So I
thought I was doing pretty well, except she fucked off not long after
and I kind of didn't see her much for the rest of the night. Ok, I
thought, either she's not that into me or I'm just not her main focus
during probably the only “real” Halloween party she'll ever
experience, either of which is obviously fine. I fell in with some
other Japanese people, I chatted, I danced, turns out it's hard to
dance in a suit while weighed down by a loaded flask. Thing is,
before I lost her we agreed to go to the campus pub together (like,
together in a group) afterwards, but she ended up going to a friend's
birthday party – BUT before she left she specifically came and
apologized and then told me that she's always free, so I could hit
her up whenever. Did she just
invite me to ask her out on a date? Maybe! Either way it was a fun
time, so eh, let's just go ahead and call the night a success.
At 10 o'clock, as
the first venue was winding down and people were trying to sort out
their 2jikais, Akiba, my oldest Japanese friend, spontaneously
appeared, done up in full drag with a Phantom of the Opera mask. It
was...really quite something, although the breasts were suspiciously
large for a Japanese woman. The majority of people there were being
indecisive twits, so four of us broke off, piled into my friend's
van, and drove to a pub a few blocks away.
Girl: Are you a
good driver?
Akiba: No problem.
(begins backing up
with one tire over a median, nearly wheels into a parked car)
Rude Boy: Who the
hell gave you a license?
Girl:
That.
Akiba: This is safe
driving.
One of the girls
was dressed as Haruhi. I actually saw her at the Orientation, and
pretty much assumed she was Japanese, but had been too intimidated to
introduce myself. Silly in retrospect, I could have just complimented
her costume, confirmed her national origins, and bingo, conversation.
Anyway, she turned out to be really nice. Admiring Akiba's getup, she
recalled having gone to some kind of guys-only otaku event at a cafe:
“I wore my friend's clothes and bound my chest and went in and
nobody questioned it, and the whole time people talked to me like one
of the guys and I got treated like a guy. It was weird. And
interesting.” The other girl was adorable and from Nagoya, so me
and her Oosaka friend made fun of her for not being from Oosaka.
I hadn't
anticipated being at this particular pub, with these exact members,
or so few of them, but it ended up being great. Akiba I've known for
a good six years now, and it's always good to reconnect every so
often. And sitting with two cute girls, I could hardly complain
anyway. I'm overloaded with coursework this semester and it's
starting to get exhausting, and it's only about to get worse. I
needed this. Reminds me what I've been fighting for this whole time.
“Japanese people
are great,” I said.
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