Before I got distracted by New Year's
nonsense, I was on a roll with three loosely related posts. Despite
my best efforts, I got sucked into the Foreigner Bubble at first, and
it took some time and a lot of effort to make my way out. Although
I've barely been riding the progress train long enough to get a seat,
I think I can share some strategies, if you yourself are currently
sharing in my frustration. I'll be straight with you, this is
probably all obvious, but it's also the closest I will ever write to
a “five things you should know before you come to Japan,” so
let's go.
1. Accept that, to some degree,
being trapped in the Foreigner Bubble is inevitable
I may have come
off as anti-foreigner earlier, and I'm sorry about that, because I'm
not hating on foreigners. I'm hating on stupidity. In fact, foreign
companionship can even be desirable. You may crave it, you may
require it for your sanity. But even if you choose to actively avoid
it, you'd be foolish to ostracize yourself on principle. All that'll
do is cut you off from a host of opportunities you might have
enjoyed.
More to the point,
you probably need to learn to live with it either way, because you'll
likely never escape it entirely. The sooner you come to terms with
that, the less you'll come off as a standoffish tit.
2. Learn the language. In fact,
learn the local hougen
It's called being
a gracious guest. Lots of people speak English to varying degrees,
but they shouldn't always have to. What's more, you'll be necessarily
limiting the types of Japanese people you can meet as well as how
meaningful your interactions will be. Try not to be shy about using
it, either. At a bar or on campus and spot somebody who looks cool?
Well, march over and strike up a conversation.
In
fact, I'm going to take it one step further and suggest that you also
learn the local dialect. For one thing, it's really really really
really fun, but it has practical merit too. It not only demonstrates
a strong attachment to the country and its culture, but ties you to
the particular place you're living in, even when you venture
elsewhere. It sets you apart from the Extended Spring Breakers. Just
don't do this until you've mastered basic hyoujungo, or you'll piss
people off. But when it's incorporated naturally into your personal
rhythm, it's very effective. If Japanese is the secret handshake,
your hougen is the spectacular super-special secret handshake.
If you have the
misfortune of living in the Kantou area, there is no hougen to learn.
Hahaha! That must suck for you.
3. Take her light
Be prepared that your transformation
into Social Butterfly Alpha Gaijin Million+ Friends IRL is going to
take time and work. You're going to run up against walls. Some people
in your new group may even purposely ignore you or give you the
runaround. Remind yourself that you're a cultural outsider and
chrono-spatial newcomer, and just keep chipping away. Don't get
worked up if things don't go your way to start, or progress at the
speed you'd prefer.
4. Get over yourself
I might catch
flack for this...
So, Japanese
people staring. Honestly? I think it's our own fault. You frequent
forums, browse blogs, and view videos mentioning this phenomenon, and
when you get here, omg, they were totally right! Guys? Guys. Trust
me, you are not that interesting. And when it does happen, remember
that people rubberneck traffic accidents too. Let's stop complaining
that ever since we tattooed an exploding dick on our face, people
won't stop staring.
Also, by the way,
sometimes people look at each other.
Extrapolating, drop your presuppositions and lose your sense of
entitlement. Don't deny your past experiences, but try not to let
them colour your current ones unduly. I've heard that Japanese girls
are prudes; I've heard that Japanese girls are sluts. Both of them
more times than I can count. Disparities in perspective should
indicate a deeper truth. Try to get at it.
And by all means trade on your foreigner status – we all do it –
but don't treat it like the keys to the VIP lounge. Show what else
you've got that makes you special, and be prepared to put the work in
if you're looking for lasting friendships; just because your uncle
got you an interview doesn't mean you won't get fired if you suck.
Respect is earned, and it's a two-way street. Enough metaphors yet?
5. Do everything
Make proper use of
your time a philosophy of life. I don't just mean in terms of time
management, although that certainly is important, but rather that if
you're only going to be here for a short time, you don't want to be
sitting on the plane and wishing you'd seen or done more. And if
you're in it for the long haul, well, that's your motivation right
there.
My point is, don't
be dismissive. Seize every opportunity that hits your desk, even if
you don't feel like you want to. There's something to be learned from
every experience, no matter what it is. If a cultural event seems
like it's going to be boring, go anyway and plan to just enjoy the
crowd. Doing a slideshow on your home country is a lot of work, but
maybe you'll meet some people there and end up expanding your social
circle. And maybe you politely demurred when you got invited to the
Celtic flutes show because that ain't your scene, but what you don't
know is that after an hour everybody got cold and ended up going to
this awesome new bar downtown, and you'd have loved it, and also if
you'd gone you'd have gotten laid.
Trivia night,
karaoke, hanami, shrine visits, bukatsu, community events, matsuri.
Take any invitation. Put yourself out there. And if the opportunities
aren't rolling in, create
some. Ring somebody up and start making plans. Above all, keep
trying, because you might hit your head a few times, but you can
get in the door.
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